Because I promised...

...I'm writing about the Kings Island trip as well. (It's hard to stay motivated to write here when I spend all day writing for a living. Gotta work on that.)

Kings Island was probably the best park experience I've ever had, honestly. I've now done: Disney World; Six Flags St. Louis; the late, great Opryland USA; Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom; and Kings Island. Kings Island is the clear No. 1, with SFSTL running second.

The day at the park started with having to park halfway to Akron. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the danger of showing up at a park after lunch.

Once we made the epic trek into the park, we were immediately bombarded with people wielding cameras. I did manage to get the picture of Eliza with Spongebob while they were also documenting it for the low, low price of $14.99 per refrigerator magnet.

Following the First Law of Avoiding Crowds, we went left and ended up at Drop Tower, a ride I would normally pass up. Janie talked me into starting off the day with it, though, so I jumped on the fairly short line.

While I was in line, though, the wet stuff started to come down a bit. By the time I was actually strapped in on the tower, it was becoming noticeable. As we rode to the top of the tower (and let me tell you, that's a long ride) we actually moved through a band of rain and ended up in a dry zone until they dropped us.

About five minutes after I got off Drop Zone, as I headed down the eight miles of queue that leads to Flight Deck, I met a group coming back who said they had just shut the ride down. The rain was still extremely light at this point, but off in the distance was a dark cloud that would be the bane of our existence for the next three hours.

Since most rides were closed, we headed toward Nickelodeon Universe to keep Eliza amused (and because that's where Janie prefers to start her park visits.) The rain had yet to close the carousel, so Eliza and Janie took a twirl while I manned the video camera and guarded the stuff.

After the carousel, we took Eliza to meet her favorite Latino child star, Dora la Exploradora. Then, it was back around the kids' area to look around until... the heavens opened.

We spent the next 90 minutes, at least, huddled inside or near a merch stand, trying to stay dry, eating a $2 bag of pretzels and drinking a $4 bottle of Coke Zero (the pretzels, oddly, were regular price. Strange,) and waiting on the rain to slacken or stop. At one point, Eliza tried to shoplift a stuffed animal by grabbing it when we weren't looking.

Finally, though, the rain let up enough for us to move, so we headed back toward International Street while we debated calling the day a washout. The rain started to pick back up, so we piled into Skyline Chili to wait and see what happened.

The rain did eventually begin to stop, which meant it was time to head back out and wait for the test runs to start going. We happened up on Vortex getting ready to open, so I jumped in line and was one of the first out after it restarted.

Now, it's important to remember that, while I'm strapped into the front car of a very high-speed coaster, this is the first time I've been on a coaster in close to five years. I'm also older, heavier and in generally worse shape (that shape being round.)

I got a little blurry while on Vortex. Nothing major, just a little tunnel vision during a particularly high-G turn, but still, scary for someone who's been on high-speed coasters with no problems in the past.

I blame most of it on trying to compensate for neck muscles that aren't quite as strong as they used to be (witness the tension headache I had all evening as we went home.)

After Vortex and a quick trip through the Backlot Stunt Coaster (ehh), it was off to get in line for what was one of my main attractions: The Beast. I've made it a life goal to ride the 10 fastest wooden coasters in the United States, since I love wooden coasters so much.

As seems to befall me every time I'm in line for a coaster I'm dying to ride, though, the rains returned. Light at first, but enough to shut the ride down and leave everyone in line with a choice: bail and give up your spot or ride it out and move up.

I took a (correct) bet that the rain would move back out, and stayed. That meant that 90 minutes later when they got the all-clear, I was on the second train out after the ride check. As I prefer to do on woodies, I went to the last car and was tail-end Charlie.

The Beast is an amazing thing. It's long, fast and with three tunnels, has multiple "headchopper" moments. The best part, though, was bursting out of a pitch-black tunnel into an uphill right-hander in brilliant, dazzling sunlight. Almost a religious experience at 65 mph.

After getting off The Beast, I was refreshed just in time for perfect weather, so I hit the almost-vacant Racer to cross another coaster off the top-10 list. Still need to ride the red side for completeness, but I was glad to get this one in. Had to ride the first car instead of the back, but still got it in.

I followed up Racer with a successful visit to the nine acres of railing that is the Flight Deck queue. Honestly, I almost could have stayed on after my ride, it was so empty. Flight Deck, by the way, is about 30 seconds (and a coat of paint) away from being a great coaster. As it is, it's too short.

After Flight Deck was the No. 1 coaster on the list: Son of Beast. 78.3 mph of wooden fury, combined with a neck-stretching "Rose Bowl" double helix. Again, I was tail-end Charlie and loved every bone-rattling second of it.

By this point, it was getting later in the day and the line for Diamondback was getting longer, so we swung by Invertigo, which was the last coaster of the day. Had a scary moment when, on the backwards ascent at the start, my harness needed another click to be tight and I was having to push myself back against the seat until we took off and the G-forces would push me down enough to click it. Got it latched tight, though, and I loved the rest of it.

So, since Janie and I had so much fun, we're going back for her birthday. We're going to spend all day July 4 at the park, from open until fireworks. To make sure we get everything in, we're going on a "coaster diet" to shed a little weight for comfort on some of the tighter seats (I'm looking at you, Vortex) and so we feel better walking all day. We're also going to get a "parent swap pass" at the front gate so we can trade off riding and watching Eliza without having to stand in line twice.

Man, this was long. Here are two videos to make this post even longer on the page: